In speaking about his own personal experience with transitioning, he also revealed that he suffered from panic attacks and anxiety while living his life in another body. The hatred and the cruelty is so much more incessant.” I came out as gay in 2014, and it’s different. In terms of the actual quality of the response, it was what I expected: love and support from many people and hatred and cruelty and vitriol from so many others. He also describes his surprise that the public reacted with so much love when he did come out, but also tempers it with admitting he did receive a few toxic reactions. “When I say I couldn’t have ever imagined feeling that way, I mean that with every sense of me.” “To go out in a group of new people and be able to engage in a way where I didn’t feel this constant sensation to flee from my body, this never-ending sensation of anxiety and nervousness and wanting out.” So the greatest joy is just being able to feel present, literally, just to be present,” he continued. “It’s indescribable, because I’m just like, there I am. I know I look different to others, but to me I’m just starting to look like myself,” he says. “I can’t overstate the biggest joy, which is really seeing yourself. Writing directly to the reader, Elliot describes the relief and happiness he felt when he finally stepped into his new life as an out and proud transgener man.
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